Hyperemesis Gravidarum made me loathe pregnancy.

Women are told from the moment they can hold their first doll or barbie how wonderful being a mommy is. We hear all about pregnancy glow, the miracle of child birth, etc the second we escape the womb it seems. However, for some women, such as me, pregnancy is the opposite of a glowing time filled with baby bump pics and cute maternity tops. It’s complete and utter Hell. I spent my entire first trimester with my head in a bucket while I remained seated on the toilet so I didn’t pee myself for the third time in a day. It certainly wasn’t glamorous and I had absolutely no inkling as to what was happening to me other than I felt like I was dying. A hospital visit after a few days of extreme vomiting told me I was, indeed, dying from dehydration. I lost twelve pounds in two weeks from the horrible pregnancy illness I was told is Hyperemesis Gravidarum. This is the illness people associate with the beautiful Kate Middleton who also unfortunately suffered from HG. HG robs you of your quality of life. You can’t eat, water is repulsive and you’re lucky if you can even leave bed. This illness that was wreaking havoc on my body left me feeling hopeless and yes, even suicidal. My pregnancy was otherwise completely healthy but I will admit at my lowest points, I toyed with the idea of termination as a way to escape the Hell a sperm thrust me into which of course caused me intense guilt and more grief. At the end of the day however, I am extremely grateful to be growing a beautiful little human inside my sickly belly. I know it will be worth it in the end when I get to lay eyes upon tiny fingers and toes and hear baby cooing. Mamas of all kinds deserve mad respect and this goes to show just how incredible women truly are and all that we can overcome.

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