I haven’t blogged in a while due to increased illness

I apologize for my absence. Recently, I’ve been fainting in addition to my other chronic battles. I’ve been too weak to even fathom writing. I truly wish that were an exaggeration. I’ve been dealing with a lot of guilt over my illness. Where has my independence gone? I rely on my husband financially and emotionally at times due to illness. Am I a burden? The truth is that at times, I might feel like one. However. If you suffer from chronic of mental illness, you are NOT a burden. I understand the feeling. The self doubt ebbing away any sense of worth you may have had. The guilt gnawing at you. The depression tagging along everywhere you go like an anvil chained to your ankle. Realistically, while we may admittedly at times be a handful, who isn’t? We hold ourselves to these unrealistic expectations as opposed to keying in on the fact that 1. We are human. And 2. Other people struggle too. Challenges aren’t dedicated to the I’ll. Not one person has gone through life without making an error or even being a touch too much for someone. Does this truly make us unworthy of love? Absolutely not. We deserve the same compassion we so intently provide others from ourselves. Our loved ones, bless them, CHOOSE to be in our life. We are not making them stay. They have made a decision to stay because they see past our perceived flaws and they love us regardless. I empathize deeply with those who are grieving their old life or who are paingry or bitter. But We. Are. Humans. Feelings are natural and while we can not control how we feel,  we can choose to dictate what we do with those feelings. It’s okay to feel your emotions, as I’ve stated many times. But forgive yourself. You’re doing the absolute best you can. Your health isn’t your fault whether it be mental or physical or both. Your challenges can be overcome. Life is a series of obstacles and each one we encounter either helps us grow through our decision to let it or halts us. Don’t quit when you’re met with a brick wall. Get creative. Climb it. If you can’t climb it, find a way around. Or knock the wall down one chip at a time. Do not ever give up on yourself. You’re worth so much more and while illness is a part of who we are that needs frequent attention it is not our definitive indicator of who we are. Depression is prevalent in ill people,  understandably so, but it can coincide with optimism. While it sounds contradictory there is a massive difference between “I’m depressed so everything sucks,” versus “I’m feeling depressed but I am grateful for ____, etc.” Nothing worth it is easy. Keep trekking along the path you desire and view those struggles as challenges to overcome instead of catastrophic stop points. We are in this together.
With love,
Jessica

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