Here I am at 4:14 am, still awake due to flare. My joints are red and hot to touch. My muscles ache as if I’ve run a marathon. I have a migraine and no amount of Tums are helping my nausea. Chronic illness sucks. Let’s just be honest. Everyone wants us to blither on about strength and positives and yes those things can be found amidst the chaos. But sometimes I don’t want to find them. That may sound pessimistic but when you’ve been awake for 20 hours from throbbing muscles and other symptoms, positivity isn’t a priority. Expressing yourself and self care are. This sometimes means crying or laying on the couch all day. It differs from person to person. For me it means watching romantic comedies and remembering I have a phenomenal fiance who cares for me despite my moments like this. Moments where I want to give up. Or be someone else. Escape the body that has seemingly betrayed me. However, as much as things seem dark now, I am reminded I will find light at the end of the tunnel again. Sure this sucks and I want to scream and throw a tantrum any toddler would be proud of. But I will get through this. Even if it’s painful. Hang in there no matter what.